Hillsong Conference Europe 2013
レベッカ = 레베카
This week has been A.MA.ZING.!
Well firstly our London team managed to pull off a 7 camera production in the main arena, a studio show with UCB and produce a TV programme alongside TBN. And on top of that, I received an extremely HUGE privilege to observe and learn from Sydney's best! Talk about being blessed! It's an honour because I would be representing our London team and to Direct 4 cameras on a Sunday with them observing in the 1st service after a possible last minute change of mind (which was a complete mess by the way) was a crucial point. Do you have any idea how NERVOUS I was? I had 3 Directors/Producers and the big guy, an Executive Director staring at my screen waiting for me to do my thing. The whole experience was just amazing! And to receive such huge compliments from not only my colleagues like Abraham, Patty, Sam and Francis but also from Steve (who hardly talks and was most definitely not being sarcastic), Rory and....*drum roll*, the Conference Director himself, Rich! I could hardly believe my ears when he said I was crazy good or something or other. But it was definitely along the lines of that. I couldn't believe it that I had to ask him if he were just saying that or not, and he wasn't JUST saying that.
Could you believe that? I MOST certainly can't!
I've only been directing properly since February! That's less than 5 months!
And you know what? That was all God!
I was just there doing the labour.
This experience definitely brought about moments. Rough at first but on Conference Sunday, it gelled much better. I will most definitely remember those times when Richard was just about to remind me to include the book on Cam 1 and nudged me and smiled just after I did it and before he could say anything. Or the time when he made a comment after he caught me waving away at Sam. Nor would I forget the Sharpie and the Trainee badge he used to remove his SIM. And if course bumping out to the wee hours on Saturday morning.
And this is living proof that Godly knowledge supersedes all.
His Plan, His Call
レベッカ = 레베카
It's been a while now that I've felt distant from God. You know, the time whereby you just can't feel His presence no matter how hard you try. And the more you try, the further you feel He is...
Well, tonight changed ALL of that. Christine Caine was a guest speaker for 2 of the services in Hillsong. The 3rd one was alright, but it was the 6pm that just broke me. It wasn't so much as to the content of it, which was still amazing by the way but it was just that I know that that 'dry spell' was broken and it felt like the floodgates of heaven opened up.
She spoke about burning bridges that are hindering us from moving forward to where we're called to be and also about ploughing before we're even summoned. Like Moses, he was doing what he was supposed to when God turned up. And before He was called to lead a nation out from Egypt, he was tending to his flock! So many people want the easy route, something instant, getting the 'glory' before even doing anything. But this really brought back another message, don't despise small beginnings. Also, don't postpone the call using responsibilities as an excuse!
Another point she made was that we have to be ALL in! In all aspects of us, be it financially, emotionally, relationship-ly, whatever! And at the end of the service, she mentioned something which was probably about having bridges to burn. In all honesty there were some parts of the sermon which I couldn't wrap my head around but I just felt that perhaps, perhaps I have a bridge to burn? I stood up anyway and without any effort, I just concentrated on her words (which I do not remember much of, amazingly) and I wept. Like a baby!
It just felt like I could breathe again! Could feel again! And this time, I couldn't stop it! I could also feel something was pressing my forehead.
That was all good and well but it wasn't the highlight of my night.
It's just funny how God is so spontaneous and how he uses people. I bumped into Jewel in the foyer and after speaking for a bit, she could just feel His spirit surrounding the 2 of us. And not only I could feel it too but I saw it in her eyes in-spite of coloured contacts. That moment was just surreal and only of the supernatural.
Because there is no way I could've wept so hard, twice in one night. Absolutely no freakin way! Not only that, the way God was using her was so amazing! We may have met up once or twice but we never had any talk that was too deep or about anything apart from us. And the things she mentioned was just spot on.
Some of it was in relation to family, about how much He favours me and loves me so so much.
Also about getting me to really see that and absorbing it in my spirit. And how much He is smiling upon me, how proud He is of me. About healing, about joy! Which was really funny cause there was a prayer night I went to and David said he saw joy and skipping. And that was 2 years ago, ish? Way before I even met Jewel! Another thing she mentioned as well was not letting the devil speak lies into me, hence my self-doubt.
And also, about where God is taking me. That He is taking me to really really high places that I don't even know. And all I could think about at that time was the night in Coronet pretty much almost a year ago before last year's SummerFest when we ALL had to write down a message for another person and we would scrunch it up and pick one randomly. I had one that said "There are greater things destined for your life that you are not yet aware of. Trust me. - God"
Thing is, it wasn't just her who spoke that in my life, it was (to date) 4 strong Christians who prophesied into me but 2 who spoke very similar things, 1 was in my childhood (the pastor came to me randomly and told me I was going to go far in life) and another had a vision of me speaking to a sea of women like me. And all I could think of was "What?"
I know I have dreams but that is definitely not of me. No way on Earth! He really changed my perspective in life and gave me an ambition way beyond when I was just a Christian by name. I still remember the time I came home from school/tuition and was still in my uniform and I just felt a burning desire to go into business. But not just to go into that field but to rise up to the top when I didn't even know who/what a bloody CEO was. And please note, at that time I had a great interest in Science, had a HUGE amount of self-doubt and negativity and was literally looking down on degrees related to business.
And in all honesty, even after that I wasn't sure about taking the Accountancy route because I figured if I were to go into the corporate world I might as well be a 'professional' so I took A-Levels Pre Med.
Well anyway, besides the point.
What is the point? I think this is just me sharing my experience and if you're reading this, Christian or not, know that God is real. You might be thinking, you don't know me so why should you trust me?
For me, all I can offer is my experience. Though I was brought up in a 'Christian' household, I never understood what it meant to be a Christian. And the single thing keeping me in this faith was that through my trials and tribulations He was my sole comforter. I cried myself to sleep for 2 years in a row and I could count the number of nights when I had no more tears in me. It was less than 5. But somehow, in the midst of it all I felt that it was meant to happen for a reason. And I still remember talking to myself sitting at the edge of the bed and staring up at the sky beside a window saying that I hate what's going on right now but I'm sure that this happened for a reason. And I was 13.
I never read a proper bible and only knew Sunday school stories and children's picture bible. But the very fact that I could talk to Him when I literally had NO ONE to talk to and honestly find comfort in the midst of all the yelling and hurt solidified my faith that there is a God.
So yeah, there is a God.
And He could do wonders in your life, but only if you let Him.
Do We Really Love Our Friends?
レベッカ = 레베카
It's funny how life has so many different seasons. One minute you're on a high and the next you'd be doubting yourself. Probably even questioning the things people do around you. And ever so often I seem to go back to square 1.
Do people really care?
And if not as much as it would ideally be, is this normal?
Will I ever find my true family?
Or perhaps, am I asking too much?
You know, on the surface of it all everyone seems fine and dandy. But does it really bother them? Do they notice it at all? Or perhaps the better question would be, is it just me? Maybe it's just the fact that I haven't found my 'family' whereas others have.
A very wise man once said:
"A brother may not always be a friend, but a friend will always be a brother."
And before you say anything, I'm not asking EVERYONE to be my family and be there for me in times of need. But at the end of the day, we all need that 'family'. And to add on, I did try to be a friend in the first place. But so far, that has just left me even more hurt.
Maybe it was because I had hopes, expectations.
And people may have a tendency to not do what you expect them to do?
We're all rebellious in nature then aren't we?
Think about this, what if it were you who pours in the time and effort, who initiates contact and who listens to their every problem. I get it that some people have more traumatic experiences and we should give our best to them. But the rest of us will have bad days too! And all we need is to be heard, loved and feel supported. Besides, isn't friendship a 2 way street?
Or am I too broken?
Are my thoughts even legit, so to speak.
But it's 3AM and...I feel like I don't know anymore.
Perhaps I should just cut the crap, and die to my self...
P.S. Ali, I miss you
Anyone going through this phase?
Simple & Filling
レベッカ = 레베카
After a hard days work of reading. It's really great to have delicious food to look forward to. I'm really blessed that I have a Malaysian person living in my building who happens to know a thing or two about cooking!
What we decided to make was Fish Maw Soup with Pork Wanton and Spinach whilst playing childhood songs I grew up with in the background. And after, we kicked back and relaxed with a lovely chat and Lindt Chocolate.
Gotta love food!
A taste of Asia,
People Are Funny!
レベッカ = 레베카
Things haven't been easy lately.
Classes are ending, exams are due in 5 Sundays and having my emotions and trust played on wasn't exactly fun at the time.
In fact on Monday just gone was my worst day of my entire life. I remembered the last time my head spun so heavily after hearing news of what my friends actually thought about me. That was almost 5 years ago...
I won't post details but long story short, how would you feel if a person you've only met 4 times feed you lies and judgmental thoughts about a good friend who has stood by you for about 2 years now?
I thought nothing of it at first thinking that I just felt she was over-enthusiastic about hanging with me. After showers of compliments on our 2nd meet up, she decided to test the water by telling me something she hope I don't already know about my friend. Asking me not to tell anyone.
That was the 3rd time I saw her.
By then, her hugs towards me have changed but not towards another friend of mine. The next time I saw her, she was already texting my friend and going through all the trouble of getting her a Frappucino only to go back in line to grab another one.
And to top it off, by the end of our 4th meeting she has already gotten 3 numbers after only meeting the for either:
a) the first time
b) the second time
Talk about boundary issues??
She also tagged along without asking when I said I was leaving with my friends to go grab some food. That was when she told me even more about the friend she was talking about earlier saying how apparently he's only talking to her and about a fight he had with his friend and some other rather sensitive issues about him.
Still I thought nothing of it at first, I didn't know who to talk to so I kept it inside of me. The next day (Monday) I had a class and the friend she was talking about saw that I wasn't anything at all like myself and dragged me out to talk.
I of course didn't mention whoever was involved but only what happened.
I deliberated for another good 3 days before telling my friend.
And turns out, following your gut feel pays off!!
We discussed both sides of what we know about her and came to a conclusion that the girl has some insecurity issues. She asked my friend about me and he got her to say what she thought about me. Thankfully it's nothing negative but by the way a person phrases his/her sentence tells you what angle they're coming from.
When it comes to situations like these, I always evaluate myself and why I'm feeling this way first. But when a feeling THIS STRONG persists and when stories don't add up and when you've experienced firsthand that the person will say stuff just to make you feel better and admits that to a 3rd person..
And to top it off, told you that she hasn't signed anything to join a business but has already in fact handed it in a month ago...
That is a person I can't trust.
And when there's no trust, there's no relationship.
Why can't people just be honest?
I've Had A Ponder
レベッカ = 레베카
Dear . . . . .,
I've had a ponder; about people, about life.
And the fact that how far people can change amazes me. It's been awhile now that I'm in the land of my upbringing and hearing of stories past only brings tears to my eyes. Tears of joy? Or tears of sadness? Maybe a mixture...
Hearing of how you used to care reassured me, at least for that one tiny bit.
That I was in there, somewhere in your heart.
But not after many moons have gone, and returning from a distant plain,
And seeing your ways of misbehaving.
Now I've no idea where to place you.
But more importantly where do you place me?
And Let The Tears Flow Once Again...
レベッカ = 레베카
Hi. . .
*shakes head & sigh*
So beautiful and yet it can be so painful.
How can I stop letting family matters be so personal?
I can't believe she actually said she would never forgive us.
Over something like throwing some souvenirs away.
It's times like these that I wish I never returned...
That I should've stayed away.
Then everything would look so much nicer, so much rosier...
But then, I may be living a lie.
Wishing I was back in London,