W.H.Y.
The 3 letter word I can never seem to escape. Ever since life started becoming like a reality TV show, all I ever scream out loud to myself is that 1 syllable. WHY?
I know going through life's heartaches is good for you. And trust me, I've tasted the victory. And it IS GOOD! But somehow when you're still going through it, and if you're just relying on your own strength to carry you through the day, the process *pause* is not a pleasant one.
And somehow this time, this time.... heck I don't even know what I'm about to say anymore!
"Why can't I have what they have?" Referring to people who seem to have a bunch of close friends whereby they do life together and everything just seems so easy for them. I'm aware I usually say "if you focus on what you don't have, you'll never be happy. Just focus on what you do have and build from there".
I'm also aware of the fact that everything may not be what it seems. But this time round, it just feels like everyone else is having a real easy time connecting.
I get it that you gotta invite people out and just meeting up once a week in a social gathering type of environment will not be enough. But I need to play catch up with my books all the time! I need to prepare as exams are coming soon! I think, the real question on my mind is "Can I do both??".
"Can I have both???" Growing up, I was somehow brought up thinking that you can't get everything in life. That there will always be something going wrong. Which is true as well. Christianity teaches us that God doesn't want bad things to befall us. He doesn't make bad things to fall upon us. But He will allow it to happen to us so that we are always kept in check. That we'll always need Him. And also so that He can be our knight in shining armour. He just wants us to want Him, need Him and rely on Him.
Anyhow, I want both. I need both. I want to have amazing, mind blowing grades and at the same time able to devote myself to spending time with the people around me. To ACTUALLY foster proper relationships.
It's all harder than it seems though. I have been trying to set my weekends aside just for people but somehow, my Mondays and Tuesdays never work out as well as the bare minimum (yet) and I'll feel guilty of wanting to enjoy myself on a Saturday.
Now, looking back at what I've just written (and not to mention my previous post as well). Somehow it reminds me of the importance of:
1) Always focusing on the greater things in life
2) Never give up, never give in!
3) Just keep pressing forward!!
Gosh, I never knew "blogging" can be this effective a therapy session.
The 3 letter word I can never seem to escape. Ever since life started becoming like a reality TV show, all I ever scream out loud to myself is that 1 syllable. WHY?
I know going through life's heartaches is good for you. And trust me, I've tasted the victory. And it IS GOOD! But somehow when you're still going through it, and if you're just relying on your own strength to carry you through the day, the process *pause* is not a pleasant one.
And somehow this time, this time.... heck I don't even know what I'm about to say anymore!
"Why can't I have what they have?" Referring to people who seem to have a bunch of close friends whereby they do life together and everything just seems so easy for them. I'm aware I usually say "if you focus on what you don't have, you'll never be happy. Just focus on what you do have and build from there".
I'm also aware of the fact that everything may not be what it seems. But this time round, it just feels like everyone else is having a real easy time connecting.
I get it that you gotta invite people out and just meeting up once a week in a social gathering type of environment will not be enough. But I need to play catch up with my books all the time! I need to prepare as exams are coming soon! I think, the real question on my mind is "Can I do both??".
"Can I have both???" Growing up, I was somehow brought up thinking that you can't get everything in life. That there will always be something going wrong. Which is true as well. Christianity teaches us that God doesn't want bad things to befall us. He doesn't make bad things to fall upon us. But He will allow it to happen to us so that we are always kept in check. That we'll always need Him. And also so that He can be our knight in shining armour. He just wants us to want Him, need Him and rely on Him.
Anyhow, I want both. I need both. I want to have amazing, mind blowing grades and at the same time able to devote myself to spending time with the people around me. To ACTUALLY foster proper relationships.
It's all harder than it seems though. I have been trying to set my weekends aside just for people but somehow, my Mondays and Tuesdays never work out as well as the bare minimum (yet) and I'll feel guilty of wanting to enjoy myself on a Saturday.
So many battles within.
How do I deal?
* * * P A U S E * * *
1) Always focusing on the greater things in life
2) Never give up, never give in!
3) Just keep pressing forward!!
Gosh, I never knew "blogging" can be this effective a therapy session.
Am I dealing or am I coping?
Signing out
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